Not So Unisex Fashions

I have discovered something that is probably common knowledge to most other people already. Unisex fashions in the high schools are NOT unisex. On the surface, everyone is wearing blue jeans, T-shirts and hooded sweatshirts. But leave it to our young to figure out a not-so-subtle way of creating "girl" clothes vs "boy" clothes. Girls' jeans are practically painted on. When I first realized this, I wondered how they found pants to fit like that. And no, it's not like I'm watching girls' asses all day long. I just want to know how I can get that. So I went searching and figured it out - lycra in the jeans. Ok, this was probably obvious to every other woman in America, but I was never quick on the uptake when it came to fashion. So I have to figure things out the hard way. Anyway, I went searching and found a few pairs that actually fit that way. They do show off a shapely butt very nicely.

And the boys? Baggy, baggy, baggy. Not one pair of pants that manages to hug any part of the body. That puzzled me until I figured out the whole boys vs girls thing. Now I get it. Only gay men wear tight jeans. I have one student whose jeans are so loose that he sits on his belt. I keep thinking that can't be all that comfortable. There are a few girls who wear baggy jeans but they are either unconcerned with boys, or are sadly too skinny to fill a pair of jeans.

Now all my baggy jeans are "mom jeans." And the tight ones are date jeans. Woohoo!

Buddhist Advice for the Lovelorn

I am quick to admit that I am looking for a "lasting" relationship. But in recent days I have been pondering the idea of impermanence, mainly because of the talk I gave this past Sunday. I managed to bring Christian ideas together with Buddhist and blend them quite nicely because both recognize the importance of accepting death. Nothing lasts forever, and everything is always changing. We all die, no matter how much we exercise and eat right. And love doesn't last, either. It's always changing, a fleeting, ephemeral thing that slips through our fingers all too quickly.

The Buddha taught that suffering comes from desire. Boy, howdy! I really need to stop wanting that perfect love and start concentrating on the impermanent nature of life. Here is what the Buddha said about impermanence:

It is impermanence... that causes much of our suffering. Or, to be more exact, not the impermanence itself, but our refusal to see and accept it. Our suffering comes from our attachment to people and things, our repeated attempts to find something lasting where there is nothing lasting to be found.

So, maybe I should just sit back and stop wishing for it to happen. It's the desire for it to happen that's making me miserable. If I could accept the fact that love is fleeting, maybe I wouldn't be in such a hurry to catch it.

Every gardener knows that it is the very impermanence of the blossoms that makes them precious. The beauty of the garden lies in its constantly changing nature, in the waves of colors and shapes that are constantly moving through it.
(Martin, Philip. The Zen Path Through Depression, Harper San Francisco, 1999.)

So, should we be the gardener or the flowers?

(Cross-posted on OKCupid)

My Son the Photographer

I am pleased to announce that my son has become a true amateur photographer. He is selling prints on Devianart. Two of the first four photographs are available for sale! Just click on them to check them out. And, hey, the kid's gonna' need money for college, so feel free to buy a couple. They are quite pretty.

Seeing the Spiritual in the Sensual

Well, the service was very well received. I enjoyed it and so did everyone else. I present it here for you. But one caveat - it's very long, so if you want to read all of it, just click below.

All of the following paintings are by Georges de La Tour (ca 1600-1650)

The Wrightsman Magdalen, Metropolitan Museum of Art.
This is the focal point for today's discussion.

Penitent Magdalen, LA County Art Museum

A lot has been said and written about the woman known as Mary Magdalen in the last few years. She has gone from being a prostitute to the wife of Jesus. But this seemingly abrupt turnabout is not unusual. The Magdalen has metamorphosed many times over the centuries. She has been the oil bearer who washed Jesus’ feet with her hair; she has been one of the women at the tomb; she has been the first to see the arisen Christ; she has been the loose woman purged of sin; she has been a prostitute; she has been a aged and withered desert hermit; and she has been the rich, sinful woman who gave up all her wealth to follow Jesus. A Prayer by St. Anselm written in the 11th century gives us a telling look at how the Magdalen was perceived throughout the centuries, and how she was often represented:

St Mary Magdalene,
you came with springing tears
to the spring of mercy, Christ;
from him your burning thirst was abundantly refreshed;
through him your sins were forgiven;
by him your bitter sorrow was consoled.
My dearest lady,
well you know by your own life
how a sinful soul can be reconciled with its creator,
what counsel a soul in misery needs,
what medicine will restore the sick to health.
It is enough for us to understand, dear friend of God,
to whom were "many sins forgiven, because she loved much".
Most blessed lady,
I who am the most evil and sinful of men
do not recall your sins as a reproach,
but call upon the boundless mercy
by which they were blotted out.
This is my reassurance, so that I do not despair;
this is my longing, so that I shall not perish.
I say this of myself,
miserably cast down into the depths of vice,
bowed down with the weight of crimes,
thrust down by my own hand into a dark prison of sins,
wrapped round with the shadows of darkness.

Therefore, since you are now with the chosen
because you are beloved
and are beloved because you are chosen of God,
I, in my misery, pray to you, in bliss;
in my darkness, I ask for light;
in my sins, redemption;
impure, I ask for purity.
Recall in loving kindness what you used to be,
how much you needed mercy,
and seek for me that same forgiving love
that you received when you were wanting it.
Ask urgently that I may have
the love that pierces the heart; tears that are humble;
desire for the homeland of heaven;
impatience with this earthly exile;
searing repentance; and a dread of torments in eternity.
Turn to my good that ready access
that you once had and still have to the spring of mercy.
Draw me to him where I may wash away my sins;
bring me to him who can slake my thirst;
pour over me those waters
that will make my dry places fresh.
You will not find it hard to gain all you desire
from so loving and so kind a Lord,
who is alive and reigns and is your friend.

Of all her different incarnations through the centuries, it was the beautiful but repentant woman of sin, her voluptuous body often only half-clothed, who captured the imagination of 17th century artists and patrons. The most popular type of image of the Magdalen showed her with long, flowing hair, partially covering her breasts, her white flesh glowing tantalizingly through the strands of luxurious hair, or peeking out from a strategically placed cloth of silk or satin. This was an image meant to titillate, an image of an obviously loose woman, a woman drenched in sin, but purged of it by her tears of devotion.

Happy New Year!

No resolutions, as usual. I don't believe in them. However, there are some things I would like to accomplish this year, so let's see what they are:

1. Get a job in a library. While I like the kids at the high school, and I like being able to pay my bills, I find this whole teaching thing stressful. There is just too much to worry about, like whether I'm actually getting through to them, whether their SAT scores will actually improve, not wanting to fail anyone, and whether they even like me (!). Then there are the ridiculously constrictive rules set up by the public school system and the school administrators themselves that really irritate me. What difference should it make if I let my students out 2 minutes before the bell rings, for Pete's sake!?!

2. Start feeling better about myself. I probably wouldn't even have considered this had it not been for the trip to the shrink and better living through chemistry, but there you go. Now that I know it's possible, I want it. And it would be nice to be able to do it without having someone else validate my self-worth by loving me. We'll see.

3. Post more stuff on Lascaux, particularly about art. This may be even harder than finding a library job. However, I'm in the middle of writing this service about the painting of the Penitent Magdalen, and I'm REALLY enjoying it. Now I want to do a whole series. If the congregation likes this one, I'll go for it. Bernini's Ecstasy of St. Theresa would be next.

Seems to Be Working...

Christmas was nice. My son and his dad came over to the apartment and we opened presents under the Festivus Pole. I was hoping to see some Feats of Strength, but all they did was accuse each other of being "gay." (For those who are confused by this reference, consult a Seinfeld fan.)

But what was really nice was that after all the presents had been opened, and we were sitting on the floor in my empty, furniture-less living room, I didn't have the usual feeling of "Is that all there is? Why don't I feel happier? It's Christmas!" Instead, I felt contented, and that gray, tired feeling I perpetually have was gone. No, really, I looked for it. It wasn't there. I hate having to admit this, but it seems that after only one week, the Lexapro seems to be doing something.

I went to my first session with the therapist the day after, and he said it sounded right to him. He also said that with a little help, a lot of my negativity would go away. Hmph. We'll see. Still anxious, though. I doubt drugs will do anything for that.

Still depressed about him, though. But it's an acute depression that seems hormonally linked. At least, it better be, because I don't want to start a new semester with this hanging over me. And it didn't help that the guys I was talking to on OKCupid lost interest pretty quickly. However, there are plenty of fish in that pond, so it doesn't bother me too much.

On an unrelated note, I'm writing a service for church. It's about the Penitent Magdalen by Georges de La Tour. I will post it here when it's finished. That's the Unitarian Universalist Church, where we can do a service on just about anything.

Cool Blog

I found a cool blog on Lynn Sislo's blog. It's called Cabinet of Wonders. It has the most unusual finds, and not the "Bigfoot Stole My Baby" kind, but unique, off beat items. I really liked the story of the Fairy Door of Grey's Lake. You just have to see for yourself. And Cabinet of Wonders gets added to the blog roll.